The Need for Change

I just posted a follow up to my coming out blog post about the need for change within church culture with regards to homosexuality.

http://perplextinfaith.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-need-for-change_23.html

Coming Out for Real

I just officially came out to the world by posting this on my new blog and sharing it on Facebook.

I'm so scared.

Families and Salvation

So I just wrote this post about families, homosexuality, and salvation... and then I was thinking... It's time for me to get a new blog under my real name. And so I've started a new blog. If you'd like to continue reading, it can be found here. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and commented on this blog. It's been a big part of my coming out process and has helped me quite a bit to come to terms with and redevelop a lot of what I believe. My new blog is going to focus a lot on issues with homosexuality and religion. If you're interested, you're welcome to keep reading and commenting. Thanks again to everyone!

Thoughts on North Star and Apologetics

Yesterday I joined the North Star facebook group. I was excited to read the comments and see what people were talking about. Unfortunately, to this point they have made me very frustrated. The reason seems to me to be the same reason that apologetics in general frustrate me: instead of a genuine search for truth, they are wholly based on the assumption of certain premises followed by the construction of cultural norms of conformity preferred over freedom of thought. To be fair, it's not so much a problem with North Star as it is a problem with the Church  culture that permeates North Star.
I don't believe that lasting peace and happiness come from untruths (probably because of my LDS background :) ). If discovery of truth is necessary for true peace, and if peace of mind is something worth arriving at, then we must have a reliable method for discovering truth. The method that seems to have worked the best in the past four hundred years is the scientific method.
I've always loved Alma 32 because of how similar the process of faith described therein is to the scientific method. It's a process of experimentation and judgment based on results. While there are significant differences between this spiritual method and the scientific method (like the inability to reproduce results in a demonstrable way and blatant subjectivity of the spiritual method), both methods are based on a premise that most apologists, in my estimation, at least, fail to meet. This premise is presented in the beginning of Alma 32 when Alma tells the people that they are blessed because their poverty has led them to humility, which is the prerequisite for gaining a witness and developing faith. In order to gain faith, Alma teaches, you cannot have already cast out the "seed" by your "unbelief."
Alma is teaching that the premise to the spiritual method of coming to know truth is approaching the question with an unbiased mind, having not already come to a conclusion beforehand. In the scientific method it is the same way: when the facts don't match the theory, you throw out the theory, not the facts. This implies a willingness to be wrong and produces a flexibility in dialogue not currently seen among apologetics nor in the communications I've read from North Star.
Apologists begin with the assumed premise that the truth is known to them and that no facts contradicting the truth are actually facts. Their view that contradictory evidence is the result of cherry picking and data manipulation leads them, in my estimation, to be even more guilty of the same.
Last night I read the reactions on North Star to a post on the "No More Strangers" blog, which was written about the dangers of celibacy. The speed at which people dismissed the message of the post and relied simply on anecdotes and pithy, faith promoting aphorisms frustrated me (though to be fair, the original article was also anecdotal in nature). In discussing whether or not celibacy can lead to a happy life, there was no discussion of data (such as the research conducted on the quality of life of celibate gay Mormons by John Dehlin) - only an already agreed upon theory.
I have to put out the caveat that I could be completely wrong about both North Star and apologists. My observations are only based on what I have been able to observe. It's more than possible that I've only observed a small portion. This is also not a commentary on individuals within those two categories, but rather on the cultural norms established in the way the groups approach problems.
In conclusion, I think that allowing myself freedom of thought and being willing to question my deepest assumptions has greatly increased my quality of life. I'm more authentic and honest than I've ever been, which has brought me a lot of peace. I would encourage all gay, SSA, and even straight Mormons (heck, I'd encourage every living person) to really, deeply question all of your assumptions. And if there are some assumptions I've failed to question or look at openly and honestly, please point them out.
And that's all I have to say about that.

On the Disorderliness of Lives

I'm currently taking a class on the history of the French Revolution, and the professor is incredible. He is the most brilliant individual I have ever met. Also, he is incredibly well-spoken and lots of fun to listen to. The other day in class he made a comment on which I have been ruminating. He was talking about the Terror, the period of the revolution where everyone started guillotining the aristocracy and anyone who betrayed the revolution, and he was trying to help us understand its causes and what it was like for people to live through that time period. And then he said it: "lives are not orderly." It was very simple, and yet so deeply profound.

Growing up in the church you are often led to believe the opposite-- that there is a distinct order and pattern to which one must adhere to in life. When you're eight, you are baptized. For boys, you receive the priesthood at the age of twelve. After high school, you go on a mission. After getting back, you get married as soon as possible. You go to school. You get a job. You have kids as soon as possible. And then you support your family. And that is the order of life.

But the problem with looking at life this way is that lives are not orderly. There is beautiful degree of chaos that seems to govern our interactions, and life is anything but predictable. Setting up a system of rigid expectations becomes harmful because when they fail us, we feel deeply discontent, even like we're failures for not adhering to the order of things. (Of course planning, preparation, and having some concept of orderliness is important--let's not throw out the baby with the bath water. But that's besides the point I'm trying to make.) I've found both in myself and in others that when things become disorderly to a certain degree, people begin to freak out and want to give up. But I think that being frustrated over disorder is missing the beauty in the ordeal.

Anyone who has talked to me for more than fifteen minutes about humanity will know that my favorite comparison is to trees. I always compare people to trees. (Sidenote--I was giddy with joy the other day when I read moral psychologist Jonathon Haidt say "I think a better metaphor is that people are like plants...") The reason I do this is because trees are messy. They grow in random shapes and the branches twist in different directions. No two trees are completely alike, and yet they all have an incredible, inherent beauty. And here's the thing I love most about trees-- they don't try to be beautiful. Nothing in the natural world (except people) really tries to be beautiful. Sunsets, oceans, and waterfalls are all just inherently beautiful. And you know what? We don't really have to try to be worth something either. Each of us has an inherent worth simply because we exist. Also, trees don't make mistakes... they just grow. Viewing our mistakes solely as awful infringements against some grand, eternal moral code has never sat well with me. I find more utility in viewing them as growth opportunities.

But with trees and forests and the natural world... there's an element of disorder to it all. And I think it's the disorder that makes it beautiful. So when unpredictable changes come and our lives seem to be falling apart, I think it's useful to ponder on the disorderliness of lives and to remember that the disorderliness is part of what creates the beauty.