Today I've been thinking about which would be more difficult for my friends and family, the fact that I am gay, or if I left the church. They're so impossibly intertwined that I don't think it makes a fair question, but it's interesting to analyze the ins and outs of it.
Ultimately, the reasons it would be difficult for anyone to accept homosexuality are twofold: theological and cultural. I think that the cultural aspect is the root, and the more research I do, the more the theology seems to be a mere codification of the culture. But the theological aspect attaches with it the hopes of salvation. Hanging over all of our heads are the questions of how to be happy in this life, and what will happen to us in the next. Theology gives us something to grasp on to- an explanation for happiness and salvation both here and there. Culture, on the other hand, is the developed customs, norms, expectations, and obligations that people have for interaction with one another and utilize to make sense of social interaction. It makes sense to codify culture within the context of theology in order to add impetus and moral authority to social norms.
And so homosexuality, it seems to me, is in violation of first a culture, and secondly its theological codification. Now in LDS culture, the religion and culture are so unified that to leave one is to leave the other. (Note that I'm analyzing this exterior to the question of revelation and prophets)
So which aspect would be harder for friends and family? That I'm gay, or to leave the church? While being gay would be difficult, I think that leaving the church would be the hardest, because the church represents our culture- the way we interact with each other and understand our lives. To leave it would feel to them like a rejection of my relationships with them. A rejection of everything that binds us together. It symbolizes, to them, an abandonment of the possibility of happiness in this life and togetherness in the life to come. So it would be very difficult. Being gay just adds a little extra edge to it.
I'm definitely not saying I will leave the church- just analyzing what would happen if I did.
One reason that being a gay Mormon is difficult for me is that it causes me to question my identity on every level. I have to think and rethink my entire concept of the world and of God. It's a good thing I have a life time to figure this all out :)
Oh, goodness, I hope you don't leave the church! We need people like you. We need gay men and women of strong faith and conviction in the church, not out of it. You would do so much more for us!
ReplyDeleteFor me, I think being gay (acting upon it) would be worse. I have plenty of cousins that have left the church. While it is sad for their parents and my grandparents, they are still treated as part of the family. I have one cousin that is a lesbian who lives with her partner and kids. When my grandma died, my family debated over whether to list her and her family among the posterity in the funeral program. It's really sad and disturbing how they talk about her. Great post.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I could have written this post! It is such a dilemma.... Way to keep a good attitude, though.
ReplyDeleteWhen I came out to my parents they actually took it really well. Their biggest concern was why I hadn't told them earlier. They also made it clear to me that they loved me, and always wanted me to feel comfortable as part of the family, regardless of any future decisions I might make. All this coming from parents wh contributed to prop 8 and serve in stake leadership callings. This isn't the case for many people, but sharing actually brought me closer to them, eased up the dating pressure, and they seem to care more genuinely about me and my happiness. I still received some gentle pressure for awhile to talk to the bishop, read my scriptures, pray, etc., but since I was pretty clear and firm about my reasons for not wanting to talk to church leaders, and gradual about the other changes, those pressures mostly just faded away.
ReplyDeleteWe haven't talked specifically about where I'm at church-wise for a year or two, but I think they can sense the distance between me and the church. The church thing would probably be the bigger deal for them, but I don't really plan on sharing those details unless they directly ask about them.
I care about my parents, and am extremely grateful for the many things they have done for me. But, I am living my life for me, not for them.
Thanks, this helps. I admitted to my mom and my sister this week that I don't "have a testimony" right now. They are struggling with it. There's a certain comfort in not burdening myself with apology unless the accusation arrives.
DeleteGood post. I think its natural to explore these fears and possibilities. I posted something on my blog that sort of ties in with some of your thoughts:
ReplyDeletehttp://nealspensieve.blogspot.com/2011/11/acceptance.html